Got thinking about an old post

I've been a bad blogger lately, and here I am reposting something from a year ago. I guess this is a clip show. However, it's been on my mind again lately due some things I've seen and heard. A friend's niece (she was 16) recently killed herself because she could no longer deal with her anorexia. Today I've seen some very painful posts on a board I frequent -- people who have been very hurt by the way they have been treated simply because they are overweight.

I'm fat. I can say that without making it a judgment on my value as a person, just the way it is. I didn't always feel this way, though. I look back on my high school years when I was in fantastic shape and I thought I was fat because I wasn't girly. I was muscular from swimming and playing sports but I didn't have that nice, thin figure so many of the other girls had. Of course, now I look back and see how I really looked and it bothers me that so many high school kids are pressured to fit into a very specific form.

I've been putting off rejoining a fantastic health club with a beautiful pool that is near my home. I wonder if I'm putting it off because I'm afraid of becoming obsessed with working out and counting calories again. Well, I'm going to start slow by using my sister's pool while I'm visiting and then seeing how I'm doing. I hope to rejoing my pool when I get back.

Anyway, enough blathering. Here's the pertinent part of that long post, inpsired by last year's Summer Olympics:

Olympics and body image

...I wanted to post something about the Olympics and body image. I'm sure men go through this just like women do, but since I'm not a man I'm only going to go by my perspective.

As much as I absolutely love the Olympics and the athletic ability of the Olympians, I think it's important for us to realize what they go through to have those bodies -- mainly talking about the swimmers, as that was my sport. There seems to be a train of thought out there that all women who are 41 can be in the same shape as Dara Torres, or that younger women can look like some of the other swimmers. Don't get me wrong, Dara is AMAZING and this is NOT a knock on her in any way. However, most 41-year-olds have jobs. Dara's full-time job is swimming, and most women can't swim full-time.

I bring this up because of something that happened a few years ago, something I'd mostly forgotten about until I was watching the swimming again. A few years back, when I was on yet another diet trying to practically starve myself and swim my pounds away, I had a conversation with my older (and wiser) sister. I said I'd taped a picture of Olympic swimmer Amy VanDyken to my fridge because that's the body I wanted and thought I could achieve if I ate right and worked hard enough in the pool. Maureen is silent (on the phone) for a minute, then says, "So, your goal is to look like an Olympic gold-medal winner, and you think this is realistic?" Up until then, I hadn't looked at it that way and that really helped me realize how I was completely unrealistic with that goal. I was in my 30s, worked two jobs at the time, and didn't look like that at my peak performance when I was 18. But somehow I felt I could have Amy's body.

At that point, I could almost hear an audible "click" in my head when I realized how unrealistic I was being. Since then, I've slowly become more comfortable with my body and feel pretty good. I'm fat, yes, but I haven't eaten so well in years. I eat well, don't count calories or any of that stuff that leads me to become incredibly obsessed with food. I currently have different foods to choose from in the fridge -- yesterday I made some rice with edamame and chili made with lean ground turkey and white kidney beans. I have some fruit in there, veggies, chicken to cook, stuff like that. And yes, I had some Pillsbury crescent rolls and I have a little pint of ice cream in the fridge. So sue me, lol.

Olympics and body image

On the cusp of the last post, I wanted to post something about the Olympics and body image. I'm sure men go through this just like women do, but since I'm not a man I'm only going to go by my perspective.

As much as I absolutely love the Olympics and the athletic ability of the Olympians, I think it's important for us to realize what they go through to have those bodies -- mainly talking about the swimmers, as that was my sport. There seems to be a train of thought out there that all women who are 41 can be in the same shape as Dara Torres, or that younger women can look like some of the other swimmers. Don't get me wrong, Dara is AMAZING and this is NOT a knock on her in any way. However, most 41-year-olds have jobs. Dara's full-time job is swimming, and most women can't swim full-time.

I bring this up because of something that happened a few years ago, something I'd mostly forgotten about until I was watching the swimming again. A few years back, when I was on yet another diet trying to practically starve myself and swim my pounds away, I had a conversation with my older (and wiser) sister. I said I'd taped a picture of Olympic swimmer Amy VanDyken to my fridge because that's the body I wanted and thought I could achieve if I ate right and worked hard enough in the pool. Maureen is silent (on the phone) for a minute, then says, "So, your goal is to look like an Olympian gold-medal winner, and you think this is realistic?" Up until then, I hadn't looked at it that way and that really helped me realize how I was completely unrealistic with that goal. I was in my 30s, worked two jobs at the time, and didn't look like that at my peak performance when I was 18. But somehow I felt I could have Amy's body.

At that point, I could almost hear an audible "click" in my head when I realized how unrealistic I was being. Since then, I've slowly become more comfortable with my body and feel pretty good. I'm fat, yes, but I haven't eaten so well in years. I eat well, don't count calories or any of that stuff that leads me to become incredibly obsessed with food. I currently have different foods to choose from in the fridge -- yesterday I made some rice with edamame and chili made with lean ground turkey and white kidney beans. I have some fruit in there, veggies, chicken to cook, stuff like that. And yes, I had some Pillsbury crescent rolls and I have a little pint of ice cream in the fridge. So sue me, lol.

Startling news! Fat people may not die tomorrow!

I've been saying this for a long time, as have many others -- like MoPie over at Big Fat Deal, where I saw this link: Half of overweight adults may be heart-healthy. The other side of that is about half of the people who are thin have the problems so many consider "fat people diseases."

The intro:

You can look great in a swimsuit and still be a heart attack waiting to happen. And you can also be overweight and otherwise healthy. A new study suggests that a surprising number of overweight people — about half — have normal blood pressure and cholesterol levels, while an equally startling number of trim people suffer from some of the ills associated with obesity.

In other news, water is wet. I guess I should be glad the media is saying something, although those who believe anyone without a flat stomach is going to die in five minutes probably won't be changing their minds.

Joy Nash: Staircase Wit

I had a lot of things I was going to talk about, but I think this is better than any of my normal blatherings. Have I ever said that Joy Nash is my hero? I think she's awesome and her Fat Rants have helped me quite a bit over the last year. Enjoy. :)

She gained weight! Oh no!

So, I'm reading one of my boards and there's a post about Oprah and Steadman breaking up and that it caused her to gain weight. Someone then mentions that they broke up a long time ago because she's gained a lot of weight.

Oy. I hate how we are so quick to pay attention to how much weight everyone loses and gains. I know, Oprah has tons of money and I'm really not a big fan. It seems she's very high on her own list of VIP. I freely admit she does a lot of good things, but I'm not going to do something just because she says so. Nonetheless, money or not, she has the same body issues many of us "normal" women have -- probably moreso because she's constantly being scrutinized by people. When she loses weight, people give her a hard time. When she gains it, people give her a hard time and laugh at her. It's sad.

Maybe I'm just sensitive, but I really hate seeing people being judged by their weight -- fat, skinny, whatever. So often, I see people attack a person's looks/size if they do something that isn't liked. What the hell that has to do with what a person says or how a person acts is beyond me, but that person will be made fun of because they are fat. If you have a problem with a person, keep it to the issue at hand. Once people start the personal attacks like that, the argument loses credibility, at least to me. Funny, often these attacks come from people who aren't tiny people, either. Makes no sense to me, can't wrap my head around one fat person picking on another one for being fat.

And yes, I'm using the word "fat." I'm tired of using euphemisms for it. Hey, I'm fat. I'm not fluffy like a cat, I'm fat, lol. So often that word is used to hurt people, used in a very derogatory way. It's simply a descriptive word, but has become a word that indicates the actual worth of a person. I'm not going to let that word get to me anymore, at least most of the time. :) These things don't happen overnight, but I want to react to the word "fat" in the same way I'd react to a person describing me as "short" and a "brunette."

Enough ranting on that for today. :)

Wellness program at work

So, we've started a wellness program at work. We actually started it at some of the other locations and I took part in it on a limited basis earlier this spring. Now we've started it at the headquarters, which is where I work. It's not too complicated -- counting how many servings (1/2 cup is a serving) of veggies and fruit we eat and how many 10-minute increments of exercise we get each day. I eat a lot of veggies and fruits anyway, but it does help me to be more consistent about it on a daily basis. We are also having some classes of different types at work, and get 2 points every week when we weigh-in, if we want to. I'm not doing the weigh-in thing, as I don't want to become focused on weight, but I can do the other stuff.

So, I've told myself for a long time that I'm in better shape than I look, but now I feel better knowing that I'm not just fooling myself, lol. We had an hour-long Pilates class Friday and it was me and a lot of thin people. Not that any of them ever treat me different or anything, it's just it can be a little intimidating in a class environment. However, I was doing the harder versions of most everything and was keeping up with them and was even used as an example of how to do a move correctly, so that made me feel much better. Two of my coworkers who are about 10 years younger than me, and thin, were very supportive, knowing a little about my reservations about the class. Now, it's been a while since I've done Pilates and even then it was in 20-minute sessions by myself in front of the tv, so I'm STILL feeling this even though the class was Friday, lol. However, I forgot how much I like them and I can do them without causing foot pain, so I'm determined to get back on that horse and start doing these home sessions again.

Blah

Sorry, not in a mood for creating a title today. :)

Seems I have asthmatic bronchitis. Basically, the infection is gone but the congestion is still there, which is why my chest has felt very heavy since finishing the medication. I've also been pretty worn out because I'm not breathing well. So, I have an Advair inhaler and Ocean nasal spray, and hopefully after two weeks everything will be cleared up.

I'm so looking forward to being healthy to go to Celebration of Needlework in NH! I may buy that new Stitch-Opoly and take it with me. That could be fun. I may take a class in Hardanger, I'm not sure. I have to look at my budget for the next few months to see if I can swing it. I guess I should do that soon, before the class fills up.

My department at work is having a tough time lately. Our work is up to snuff, as usual, it's our personal lives. I've been having health issues for a few months; one of the guys has been sick or his wife has been sick; my boss's grandmother died last week; a woman's great-aunt has been very sick and she's been helping her get things in order, find attendant care and see about hospice care. I really like my coworkers and hate to see them in pain like this. :(

I have been doing some stitching lately. I'm almost done with the ribbon topiary. I would be finished but I ran out of floss and just ordered some more of Dinky Dyes' Gum Leaves so I can finish. The last few days I've been working a little on Skeleton Crew. I'll get some pictures over the weekend.

Not planning on doing much this weekend, other than stitching and resting. I should have some nice progress pictures to post by Sunday night. I haven't been stitching as much as usual in the last month or so, but I think I'm getting my mojo back. :)

Missed another day

Well, it looks like I pushed it too hard yesterday and stayed home again today. I think my boss has pretty much banished me from the office for the rest of the week. I understand -- her immune system isn't the best right now plus her grandmother is very sick and I'm sure she doesn't want me to give her anything for her own sake or that she could carry to her grandma. I have no idea what I'm going to do about my trip with my friend to the Celebration of Needlework show in NH at the end of April, as I've had to use some vacation days for that and will be down to one, maybe two days instead of four. I can deal with that, but I feel awful for my friend. I'm sure she'll understand -- she's a good friend -- but I still feel bad. Oh well. I really really hope this is that last of my winter nonsense.

I am still going in tomorrow morning for the EARN Center event in the morning, but I think I'll just come back home and work from here. Then Saturday morning I need to go to the Health Expo we're running, but that's just a few hours in the morning. I probably won't do the wellness walk because it's supposed to rain and I think that would REALLY be pushing it.

Yes, I'm whining again.

Well, I never did get to that stitching, which is a shame because I've really been in a slump. My "just a cold" isn't. It's an upper-respiratory infection, a lovely thing that seems to be making the rounds at the moment. I honestly thought it was just a bad cold, but then I kept getting a 101 fever every night. After it happened again last night (4th night in a row), I told myself I'd call my doctor. So, he gave me some antibiotics and very low-grade steroids. I can't believe how much work I've missed during the last few months, but there's not much I can do about it. I told my boss I'd try to come back tomorrow, but she said she really wanted me to see how I feel tomorrow for two reasons: 1. she doesn't want me to come back if I should be resting to get rid of this thing; 2. she doesn't want me to give it to the rest of the department, lol.

So, we'll see how I feel in the morning. I can still check email and put out fires as needed from home, so I'm not letting everything completely go. I'm just irritated as heck about the whole thing. I'm glad I talked myself into calling the doctor, at least. I don't like calling about a simple cold, but that fever was bothering me and I developed a lovely cough yesterday. Last thing I want is to let this sort of thing go to long and end up with pneumonia or something. Ick.

Maybe I'll get some stitching in tonight. We'll see. :)

Good day for stitching

I really have been in a bit of a stitching slump since getting back from San Francisco a few weeks ago. I'm not sure why, just haven't been in the mood. I think the fact that my livingroom was a disaster area was too distracting for me, lol. I got most of it under control last weekend and will do the final touches today (shouldn't take more than 30-60 minutes) then I can sit and enjoy the place while I'm stitching inside and it's raining and icky outside. I have to run a few minor errands, but I can do those first and get them out of the way.

We'll see how I feel later, anyway. I came down with a nasty cold during the day on Thursday. I do OK during the day, but Thursday and Friday nights I've been running a fever and had a hard time sleeping. Thursday was 100, last night was 101. It's not THAT high, just high enough to make me very cold no matter how many blankets I use and make me generally uncomfortable.

What I'm very thankful for is that the small event we were going to have at the EARN Center has been postponed. It was going to be this morning, meaning I would have had to get up very early to take 90-120 minutes to get up there because part of the El is shut down due to construction and they are using shuttle buses, and in the rain with a nasty cold. I was soooo thankful when I learned we postponed it!

Oh, I bought a few cute spring clothes last weekend at Kohls and Fashion Bug. Fashion Bug has some pretty trapeze-type short-sleeved sweaters in pink, yellow and white. I bought a pink and yellow and will probably go back for the white. I also bought some similarly styled tops at Kohls, along with a dress and a pair of jeans. I'm slowly getting rid of my lighter wash jeans in favor of darker jeans. I'm not getting rid of them until they either don't fit or are worn out, but I don't wear them to casual Fridays and such anymore. The old ones are comfy, but I do notice that I look better in the darker jeans.

Foot mystery may be solved

I was planning on getting a referral from my doctor to see a podiatrist after my vacation, and after comparing notes with my sister I am very interested in seeing what happens.

My foot problem has not gotten better. I bought new athletic shoes and casual shoes (and not cheap), thinking that would help -- nope. That foot still hurts like crazy if I wear any flat shoes other than my Crocs. It's frustrating hearing people lecture me about the dangers of wearing heels when that's the only time my feet don't hurt. People talk about how ugly Crocs are and how sick they are of seeing them because "I can find plenty of comfortable shoes that aren't ugly." Well, good for you!

Anyway, I knew Mo had had a foot problem but we really hadn't talked about the issues we were both having until we got together this past weekend. Seems we had the same symptoms -- only comfortable in heels and no flat shoes (including sneakers), pain and swelling in the same place (even the same foot!), throbbing in the area when sitting after walking a while, excruciating pain if we bang that part of the foot or the other side of the foot, practically dragging the foot behind us when it really hurts, etc. Turns out that she went to a podiatrist who told her she has a genetic defect in that foot -- apparently a bone in the arch area (I don't say arch as our feet are completely flat) never fused properly and after 35+ years it had finally had enough. This started for her a few years ago, when she was about my age. She had orthotics made and she says it's completely different and her feet have been great since then. She can wear shoes that these don't fit in for a day without a huge problem, but she wears these in pretty much everything.

So, I have the feeling this may be my problem and will let my doctor know this new information. I'm hoping I can get to the bottom of this soon. I'm sure orthotics aren't cheap, but I haven't been exercising or even walking as much as I used to because it just hurts too much. I really noticed it when I was in San Francisco this past weekend and didn't do my usual wandering. I miss that.

One person's experience with Alli

I've heard about the so-called "side effects" of this drug, which made me want to never try it. However, here's one person's experience with this drug. I'm amazed that this was prescribed by doctors, let alone is now over-the-counter! Be sure to click on the "Read More" at the bottom of the teaser to get the whole story.

Almost there!

I've been acting like a little kid getting ready to go to Disney all week, lol. I'm really looking forward to getting out to see my sister and San Francisco for the weekend. The week is going slowly but still too fast, as tonight I need to do some laundry and pack my clothes to take to work tomorrow for Friday. That way I don't have to lug them around on Friday when I have to be at the EARN Center for most of the day.

I think I've been doing well with my eating. Yesterday I went to a luncheon and they had some really good chicken and vegetables. I ate all the veggies, some of the pasta and much of the chicken. However, I didn't feel the need to clean my plate as I usually do, so I wasn't stuffed and uncomfortable. I had a little cake, but wasn't thrilled with it so only had two pieces and left it. Everybody did the same thing, as the desert was set out with the salad before dinner. By the time we got to it, it was stale and crusty from sitting out too long. Blech. That's one way to get me to not eat the cake. Next time I see a set-up like that, I'm going to eat my salad then my cake. If people give me weird looks, fine. They'll be the ones to miss out on fresh cake. :)

I'm up ridiculously early this morning, so I guess I'll go ahead and get ready for work and go in early so I can leave a little early and get my laundry going. I should have done some last night, but I wasn't feeling my best and went to bed early.

Intuitive Eating progress

I think this intuitive eating thing may work for me. I'm slowly making progress on it. I sometimes catch myself eating because I'm frustrated or upset, but the fact that I'm catching it means I'm going in the right direction. I'm working hard on thinking about what I want to eat before I eat, and making sure I'm actually hungry and not just trying to feed something else. Sounds pretty "duh," I'm sure, but I've been on so many diets and used food as an emotional crutch for so long that I really need to reconnect with what it means to actually be hungry, not just to eat because it's Noon.

One important part of the whole thing is not concentrating on fat-free, low-calorie, no trans fat, etc. that we are trained to rely on. Some things are fine fat-free or sugar-free, but most of them just don't satisfy me and I end up eating more to be full and don't necessarily like the taste. For instance. I had been buying Dannon Light & Fit vanilla yogurt (4-oz.) to mix with my fruit and oat granola in the morning. It was OK, but I wasn't crazy about the taste and it was a bit runny. So, I bought some Dannon La Créme vanilla yogurt instead. Wow, what a difference! It's very thick and creamy (as the name insinuates), it tastes good, fills me up, and is just much more satisfying in every way. The light stuff has 60 calories and no fat. The creamy stuff has 140 calories and 5g of fat, which is probably why it satisfies me. But after I eat it I don't want more to eat, you know?

Speaking of low-fat and sugar-free, I've always bought the low-fat Jello pudding cups. They are actually pretty good, but now that I'm eating the regular pudding, it does taste better and fills me up quicker -- and doesn't have much more fat or calories than the low-fat. It's interesting, though, that there are more low-fat and sugar-free varieties of the Jello pudding than of the regular, at least in the refrigerated cups.

So, today I wasn't very hungry for much of the day until afternoon. Usually I eat breakfast, but since I wasn't hungry I didn't. I read that this is one of those things were one day you'll be hungry often and eat to satisfy it, and other days I won't be as hungry so won't eat as much, and it all balances out. Anyway, I bought groceries today and some nice salmon and a large amount of green beans for a mid-afternoon meal and am now enjoying some white wine. :)

So far, I'm pretty happy with this new way of eating. The hardest part is really asking myself if I'm hungry or if I want food for another reason, and stopping every so often while eating to check if I'm full and to actually taste the food and ask myself how much I really like it. That's when I realized that the particular light yogurt I was eating needed to go. :)

Oh, for the love of Jeff!

I thought I was done with my body revolting against me, but I pulled another stunt today. My coworker and I were walking back from a meeting and I guess there was a dip in the sidewalk that I missed because all of a sudden I tripped and almost fell on my face. Instead, I fell on my bad wrist and knee. I didn't ruin my clothes or hurt myself in a big way, but my wrist is worse, my knee is scraped and sore, my good ankle hurts and my middle back hurts. Sigh. I'm going to see how I feel in the morning and go from there. I'm sure I'll feel better, I'm just so sick of this. I'm thankful, though, that I didn't fall in front of a car or really hurt myself.

Fat acceptance TV segment

Some of you may have seen a segment about fat acceptance last week on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. If you didn't, check out Big Fat Deal or The F-Word. The owners of those two blogs were featured and were awesome! I'd rather not post the actual videos here and ask people to go view them at one of the blogs so that you can see their blogs and comment, if you'd like. You may have to scroll down a little to see the videos on their blogs.

Anyway, I've been reading a lot of comments here and there about the whole thing, and one point really sticks out: why didn't the thin people on stage tell us their stats? Mo and Rachel were asked their height and weight, along with questions about their blood pressure and cholesterol. As usual, it's simply ASSumed that the thin people are perfectly healthy and the fat ones have to justify themselves, and probably still aren't believed. I'm pretty sure people don't believe me when I say my blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure are all normal. Of course, the old "Well, it may lead to problems when you're older" comes up. Sure, it may also lead to problems in thin people, too. There are plenty of thin people who have problems with blood pressure and cholesterol.

I'm not anti-thin and I'm not pro-fat. I just want people to learn to feel good in their own bodies. As many of you know, this is something I've fought for years and have finally started to come to terms with in the last year. I'm also focusing on eating when I'm hungry, not according to any time table or schedule. I eat what I want when I'm hungry. Sometimes that means blueberries and tomatoes, sometimes that means a few Hershey's Kisses, sometimes that means chicken, sometimes that means a burger, etc. I feel much healthier and have started limited exercise again (limited due to the tendonitis in my wrist and the Dammit foot, as I like to call it). I got off that for a while and had no energy, was depressed, had all sorts of injuries and just felt awful. So, I'm back to what seems to work for me and I'm not gaining weight.

We are starting a health program at work and I'm part of the marketing team. I'm so proud that this program focuses on overall health, not weight loss. There are weigh-ins for people who want them, but the focus is on eating well and being active. This is great, because I'm done with diets. They don't work for me. All diets have done for me is make me fatter, lol.

Another interesting point that came up in that segment: Meme Roth, an anti-fat activist, says (and I'm paraphrasing) that fat people are already accepted and that an article in the New York Times touting that thin people should be accepted would be met with a backlash. I about spewed my drink on the monitor, lol. Didn't I see an article VERY recently that stated a prominent clavicle is the latest fashion accessory? Don't we see airbrushed people all over the magazines -- not just their faces, but arms and other body parts so that they look thinner (and ridiculously tan and smooth)? Doesn't every woman's magazine have at least one article in it about losing weight? How many times do you hear people who are a normal weight say they have to lose 10 pounds... or 20?


Oh, and one more thing while I'm thinking about it. I can't remember the doctor's name, but she did say these things aren't all black and white. That I liked. Then she went on to say that we can't use height and weight to determine health -- we should use BMI. Well, what the fark is the BMI number, if not a number based on your height and weight and no other factors? That one really boggled me.

So, Rachel and Mo were EXTREMELY poised, looked fantastic, and really handled everything so much better than I could. When I get mad my face turns red, so I would have been purple by the end of the segment.

Again, I want to stress that I'm not about hating anyone. To be fair, I think Meme Roth has some good points, particularly about getting soda machines and that kind of crap out of the schools. She doesn't mention it in the segment, I don't think, but I've seen her mention it in other places. I just wish she didn't have to act like it's horrible that we fatties have access to clothes that actually fit us instead of wearing mumus to punish ourselves until we lose weight to fit into "normal" clothes. I've lived that way (well, not in mumus) for way too much of my life, wasted my life waiting to do things until I lost weight, and I'm not going to do it anymore. I find it interesting that since I stopped dieting, I feel better and I look better.

Anyway, enough of the rambling. If you've made it this far, thanks. :)

Too tired to sleep

I'm sure you've all been there. You're absolutely exhausted and your body and mind hurt and you just want to sleep, but you lie there wide awake. So, I decided to get on my blog and get things off my chest.

In the past month, maybe a little more:

--I had the foot problem and tendonitis in the left foot and wrist. They are better, but still wearing the braces because they aren't great.

--Had a back problem that lasted most of last week and made me lose 3.5 days of work. I sometimes get sciatica and all I can do is take muscle relaxers and pain meds and do nothing but lie around for a few days. Sitting is awful. Luckily it was pretty much over in a week and I had enough sick time to cover it.

--Earlier this week broke a tooth that had a crown on it. Luckily, the tooth seems to be dead so it doesn't hurt. Made an appointment to see dentist this morning, but had to cancel because...

--I cut my middle finger on right hand opening the #$!@$%@ can of cat food and had to go to the ER to get a few stitches and a tetanus shot.

I keep telling myself that I'm getting all my injuries for the year out of the way now, but that cat food thing this morning really ticked me off. I haven't been to the ER in over 20 years, and to go for something that stupid is irritating, but I'm also laughing because this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous. So that whole ER thing first thing this morning really tired me out. I went to work and was somewhat productive and then came home.

Another thing that has been bothering me is what feels like the break-up of one of my favorite stitching boards. Apparently, there was a disagreement between admins and there are now two boards. There's no us vs. them or anything like that, and both boards seem very keen on keeping it that way. I'm not sure what happened, and I like most of the people on that original board very much. I think many of us will be going back and forth between boards for a while, but realistically people will probably gravitate more toward one than the other. I was afraid that this would happen when we had admin problems a few months back, although that was a completely different issue. Oh well. Just gotta get used to the idea that things just don't stay the same forever; people come and people go. I'm going to do my best to visit both because I like people at both boards. I'm surprised I'm as bothered by it as I am, but I guess I always felt that board to be a safe haven and that somehow that safe haven has been violated. Keep in mind I'm very tired and irritated about other things, so I'm probably a little over emotional.

Now, hopefully I can go to sleep. :)

Thank you, Carson Kressley!

So I just watched two episodes of Carson's Look Good Naked and have such emotions about it. I was crying along with the women when they looked in the mirror and realized how beautiful they really are, even though they aren't perfect. It was very interesting to see how many extra inches they added on to their weigh due to their own misconceptions of what they really look like. As someone who has battled my weight all my life, I really can empathize with them. It's so refreshing to see somebody help women see how beautiful they are, rather than tell them what parts of their bodies they need to change to be beautiful. Of course, there are still lots of people who think you aren't beautiful unless you have a flat stomach, but screw 'em, lol.

As I've mentioned in the past, I no longer diet. Since making that decision, I lost about 10 pounds and have pretty much stayed in that range, give or take a pound here and there. I'm going to get back into some sort of exercise regimen next week, possibly over the weekend. It's nothing huge, just getting in 30 minutes of exercise, five days a week. This is in addition to my walking I do to and from work. There really is no reason for me not to get in 30 minutes on an almost daily basis -- except this past week. I wanted to start this past Monday, but I woke up with a bad back and was actually at home mostly sleeping from Monday through Thursday due to the sciatica problem and the muscle relaxers they gave me to help. It did help, though, and I went to work today and can once again sit without too many problems. So, I don't want to push it yet, but early next week should be fine.

So, thanks Carson! Between this show and What Not to Wear, I've really started to gain confidence regarding how I present myself.

Fat Rant

I think this video has been around for a while, but I just discovered it this week and I'm now watching it every morning before I go to work, lol. She's right. I keep waiting to do things until I lose weight, holding on to some clothes that don't fit, etc. I know I can be in better shape and haven't been exercising much because of the weather, other than the 1-2 miles of walking I get in walking downtown. I get less this time of year, for sure. It's very difficult when you're overweight (heck, I'm not overweight, I'm fat), to accept your body as it is while you're trying to make it healthier, but I'm working on it.

Yay, it's Friday!

First off, I want to say that I MUST see The Simpsons Movie this weekend, if only to find out what's going on in this picture I found on Rotten Tomatoes:




Now, onto other things, the good and bad of the week. I'll start with bad so that I can end with good.


Bad

Had a horrible migraine that started Tuesday night and went into Wednesday. I just slept all day. I know the humidity blast that came in had a lot to do with it. I've read that ginger can help with that, among other things. I do notice that when I eating ginger I feel better, so I'm going to get me some more of that good stuff that I haven't had in a while.

Originally, Tim had Fri, Sat and Sun off. At the last minute, they decided to force him to work Sat overnight, then he has to work very early Mon morning. I say "force" because that's what he says. There's some sort of union thing, apparently. I've never worked for a union so don't get half the stuff, but as far as I can see, the only thing that union does is screw him and people who have been there 2 years or less while letting the ones with seniority do whatever the hell they want. He's making decent money, but I don't know that it's worth the crap they put him through.



Good

Found out that we'll have program funders at our end-of-internships luncheon for one of my programs. They are philanthropists who are well-known in the Philly area, so I'm hoping this will help me get some press for the programs. The kids were great this year. One program is for Jewish college kids who intern at local Jewish organizations while learning about their culture and mentoring the other intern group. That other group is for at-risk Jewish high school juniors who also intern at local Jewish organizations and receive free SAT tutoring and other college prep help. They are fantastic internships and have really grown in the last few years.

Went to a great show last night at World Cafe on 30th and Walnut in Philly. It was Lez Zeppelin, an all-girl band playing Led Zeppelin tunes. Wow! They were awesome. The opening group was good, too -- April Smith and her band (can't remember the name of the band right now.) Her voice reminded us of Gwen Stefani -- not too breathy or girly, if that makes sense. Tickets were only $16 -- for a fantastic night of music. I spent that much on beer while I was there, lol. I love the fact that as long as I drink at least as much water as beer, I don't end up with a hangover. It also helps me not guzzle the beer so that I get really stupid. I've discovered I have quite a hankering for Yuengling, after not being a beer drinker most of my life.

I'm almost done with my crazy stitching project. After discovering In a Minute Ago a few weeks ago that showed some awesome crazy quilts and free-style embroidery (don't know what else to call it), I was inspired to create my own free-style embroidery. I'm almost done with it and will post a picture when I'm finished. It's very different from anything I've done before.



Well, that's enough for now. I wanted to be sure I listed more "goods" than "bads" as I was a bit ranty for a while and am trying to get past it. :)