Mindy Memories

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I wish I had some non-childed friends who lived close by. It's so hard to make plans with friends with small children, as any plans made usually get blown off for some reason or another. I'm usually very understanding of this sort of thing, but when I'm ALWAYS the one blown off for whatever reason (sometimes kid-related, sometimes not) because I'm nice about it and understand, it gets old. Just because I don't have a fit about it doesn't mean that, after about 3-4 years of this, I'm not getting fed up. I'm afraid that if I say anything, my friends will think I'm overreacting or inflexible. You know, friendships take work, too. I don't expect to talk to my friends every day, or even every week. We all have busy lives. But you can't expect me to make plans only to have them canceled time and time again over the course of a few years and have it NOT change the friendship.

I guess I'm just tired of feeling like I'm second best to everyone in my life -- and I mean everyone. I wish just one person would make me feel like I was the most important thing to them, just for a few minutes. I'm sure that sounds selfish, and I don't expect my friends to make their kids second to me, but how hard is it to take one night and go to a movie with me, or go out to dinner? My parents had a sitter almost every Friday for us and they went out to dinner and a movie. Of course, I'm usually the sitter, so that pretty much explains it all, doesn't it?

Meh. I probably come across as a whiny childfree person who has no compassion for parents, but anyone who knows me knows that's not so. I'd just like to feel like someone, somewhere, would even notice if I wasn't around -- and not because they need something from me.

Tim and I both have tomorrow off and are supposed to go out to a movie. I've mentioned this to him, but I have a sinking feeling that something will come up and those plans will get screwed, too.


  • At 11:56 PM, Blogger Sweet Pea said…

    Boy do I know how you feel. My husband and I don't have kids yet, so we're able to do a lot of things like travel, read, have hobbies, etc. It really bugs me when I say something about reading a book or taking a day trip and my SIL says, "Oh, I wish I had time to do that!" Or when I ask her to do something and she says, "Oh I don't have time for that. I am very busy." We're busy too - it's a matter of priorities, and sometimes, parents need to make it a priority to be an adult and not just Mom and Dad. I think it's better for the kids if the parents have a life outside of being a parent.

    Sorry you're feeling down, but there's at least one person out here that doesn't think you're whiny or selfish!

  • At 4:11 AM, Blogger Chiloe said…

    Nowadays parents spend a lot of time around their kids. They want to do things with them but they don't think after that the kids are grown up, they will live the house and the parents will remain with no firends.

    I think it's just you didn't meet the right friends. I have 3 kids and never hesistate to go shopping with a friend or go to eat out with friends. I need adult time to be a better mom ;-)

  • At 5:19 PM, Blogger claudia said…

    You are not whiny and selfish! You are a great friend it sounds like! When I was raising my kids I couldn't even find a girlfriend who would "ditch" her kids to spend a day as an adult, doing something fun. (Sometimes not even a couple of hours!) I find it very unhealthy for the parents and kids alike to spend that much time together. It would be a good habit for you friends to get into, spending time away from the kids...it makes them more independent later in life.
    I am sorry you have to feel this way!

  • At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have the opposite problem. I have friends with no kids and often don't get included because they think I am "busy" and can't do things. So it kind of works both ways.
    No lifestyle is perfect.

  • At 3:09 PM, Blogger Suz said…

    I know how you feel, being ditched over and over again for kids. It used to happen to me, and then I made new friends.

    Oddly enough, some of the people who I thought would be date-ditchers in favor of their kids are getting rid of the kids at every opportunity, so I'm glad I have a few people to go out with.

    I hope you get to go to the movies or something. If we lived anywhere near each other, I'd be happy to go with you.

  • At 1:33 PM, Blogger Karen said…

    We don't have children yet either, and may choose to remain that way. It's amazing how there seems to be this wall between those with children and those without. I have some neighbors that are all around my age. We all get along well, but they have kids and we don't. We never, ever get together. They see each other much more often, mostly through their kids, I guess, and even though we are only 1 or 2 houses away, we may as well be on the other side of the earth.

    Right now all my friends either have kids, or have high-powered careers. I'm in the middle, just happily married, no children, working my "job". It stinks to have plenty of free time, and no available friends to spend it with! Doesn't make for a very active social life.


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