Nothing like being insignificant
Maybe that's a bit harsh and I'm just in a pissey mood, but I feel VERY insignificant. I had left two messages on my "best friend's" phone yesterday about not being able to make our friend's ceremony. I couldn't find his number and I was in a bad state with my head and the muscle relaxers that I couldn't even remember his last name at the time to look it up. The first message I got upset near the end because I was just overwhelmed with a lot of stuff building up in my life over the last year and for some reason it just got to me that second. I'm bad about talking about this stuff to people because their problems usually seem worse than mine. I called later to apologize for getting upset but that I still just couldn't make it, wasn't able to drive or anything.
Well, it's 4:30 the next day and I haven't heard a word. I figure I'm getting shunned for having the nerve to not drive 40+ minutes when I'm on medication and put up with a reception when I have can barely think due to being in pain from the headache. I'm probably overreacting because sometimes I get irritated when I'm taking this medication, but jeesh! I rarely cry by myself let alone in front of anybody or on a message, and I'm a bit embarrased about that message. I couldn't help it and I cut it off short. However, since my "friends" know I don't act like that you would have thought by now somebody would have given a shit and at least called to make sure I wasn't in the hospital or that I was OK. Nope, not a word.
This is what I get for caring about my friends' kids and their own well-being, I guess. If people want something than I'm a friend. If I need something they aren't around for even a phone call. I've had the impression for a while now that I'm pretty much an afterthought, but this clinches it for me. I hope I'm just in a bad mood and will feel better tomorrow, but it bothers me how often I feel that I jump when I'm needed, but when the shoe's on the other foot nobody gives a shit. I think I could disappear and nobody but Tim and my coworkers would realize it for about a week. Not that I'm implying anything by saying that, but I think it's true.
Well, it's 4:30 the next day and I haven't heard a word. I figure I'm getting shunned for having the nerve to not drive 40+ minutes when I'm on medication and put up with a reception when I have can barely think due to being in pain from the headache. I'm probably overreacting because sometimes I get irritated when I'm taking this medication, but jeesh! I rarely cry by myself let alone in front of anybody or on a message, and I'm a bit embarrased about that message. I couldn't help it and I cut it off short. However, since my "friends" know I don't act like that you would have thought by now somebody would have given a shit and at least called to make sure I wasn't in the hospital or that I was OK. Nope, not a word.
This is what I get for caring about my friends' kids and their own well-being, I guess. If people want something than I'm a friend. If I need something they aren't around for even a phone call. I've had the impression for a while now that I'm pretty much an afterthought, but this clinches it for me. I hope I'm just in a bad mood and will feel better tomorrow, but it bothers me how often I feel that I jump when I'm needed, but when the shoe's on the other foot nobody gives a shit. I think I could disappear and nobody but Tim and my coworkers would realize it for about a week. Not that I'm implying anything by saying that, but I think it's true.
3 Comments:
At 7:56 PM,
auronsgirl said…
Everybody needs to be pissy once in a while. And yes, I'd miss you. See, here I am, checking in on you! ;)
I do hope you feel better soon, though.
At 9:06 PM,
Dianne said…
I'm checking in on you too Mindy. Don't forget I live fairly close to you if you need a shoulder to lean on. I was not having a good day either (not sure if you read my blog) with my sore arm and not sleeping. You seem more chipper and tomorrow can only get better. Take care.
At 11:26 PM,
Mindy said…
Thanks guys :-) I feel kinda foolish for going off like that, but I tend to keep everything inside and be positive most of the time. That means that every so often I have a little explosion and I figure it's better to have one here than to have one on another board or explode on one of my friends. I figure it's easier for me to clean myself up after an explosion than to also clean others up who were to near it LOL.
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