Mindy Memories

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I know, I know

I've been really bad about updating my blog this month. I actually have a lot on my mind and a lot I want to say, but I can't think about getting it organized at the moment. Suffice it to say I've been dealing with a bit of a spiritual crisis for a few years now and it's come to a head. I consider myself a Christian in a world full of other Christians who feel I'm not one because I try to be tolerant. I've discovered that perhaps, while I still believe in God, I need to really look at my beliefs and see where I fit in. This has been coming for quite some time. Let's face it -- these days, a white woman who lives with an African-American man, is not married and who doesn't want children isn't looked upon fondly in many Christian circles. To us, marriage is just a piece of paper, we are already committed to each other and have outlasted several marriages already.

Today I was at the Friends Meeting House in Philly for World Refugee Day. The more I looked at their information, the more I thought that this may be a better fit for my beliefs. I believe that all people deserve love and respect, regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation. I like the social activism many of the Quakers are involved in, at least in my area, and that they aren't an "in your face" belief. I like that the worship services I'm interested in aren't led by a pastor but are silent worship services where people say what they feel they need to say but are otherwise silent. I've always had a hard time just letting God take care of things and feel that He gives me a brain in order to use it to learn, to be able to make my own judgements about what is best. Sometimes I fall short, certainly, but I just cannot go against my own judgement.

I know this is very scattered, as are my thoughts. I just felt like I had to get it out. I'm not saying I'm an instant Quaker (a bad oatmeal joke just came to mind lol), but I'm mulling things over and researching. This isn't something I'm taking lightly, which is why I've been dealing with this for quite some time.

I hope this hasn't offended any of you who are reading, as I know many of you are faithful Christians who I care about. I'm just finding that the Christianity I've been a part of these last 35 years just isn't working for me anymore. I feel like I need something more. To me it's another form of Christianity, although I know to some of you it's not.


  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger Kelley said…

    Great post Mindy. You go for what you believe in and what makes you happy. ( I would have loved to hear the oatmeal joke! )

  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger Dianne said…

    Well, to us Christians there is one loving and forgiving God. And also, how many people attend church because they 'want' to or 'have' to?

  • At 11:48 PM, Blogger Karen said…

    Mindy, I could have written your post myself (except maybe the Quaker part). I was raised Catholic but over the years have come to feel distant from a lot of their teachings. While I have a strong belief in God, and am a deeply spiritual person, I have a hard time with a religion that tells me I'm a "sinner" or in need of "forgiveness" because I ate a cheeseburger on a Friday, or had sex before I was married, or that because I wasn't married inside a church, that my marriage is not as holy as someone else's. I think what's happened is the Catholic Church, and Christianity as a whole has not evolved with time, and many people today, especially the younger generation, are feeling alienated by it and are beginning to feel it just doesn't speak to them anymore. Live your life with a pure heart, and you can't go wrong.

  • At 10:02 PM, Blogger Darla said…

    Religion is for people afraid of going to Hell; spirituality is for those who've been there. Find your sacred space, wherever and however it is, and take peace in that.

  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger Karoline said…

    Interesting post Mindy, I hope it works out for you

  • At 2:26 PM, Blogger Contemplative Activist said…

    Hi Mindy,

    Thanks for your comment on my blog - its nice to meet you :)

    I know for me, finding Quakers was an enormous relief - finally, somewhere I could really relax and be myself.

    I'll read your blog - it sounds like you are on an exciting journey.


  • At 4:05 AM, Blogger natty68 said…

    What a lovely post Mindy. I hope you find what you are looking for.

    I must admit I had a crisis of faith a few years ago and completely dumped my christian faith and found paganism. To me this is so much more of who or what I believe in now.

    I did smile at the Quaker joke.. :)



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