Mindy Memories

Monday, August 23, 2004

Random question of the day

Before I get to that I need to ask something, something which actually has something to do with todays question in a roundabout sorta way: Why must the entire bathroom look like it was hit by a tidal wave after Tim takes a shower?

The only way you can tell I've just gotten out of the shower if you go in after me is there may be steam on the mirror and in the bathroom in general, and the bath rug may be a LITTLE damp. I just went in there after Tim's shower and the freshly washed bath rug is soaked, the floor is soaked, and there are wet footprints in the hallway and bedroom. Hey, I don't mind if things get wet, but at least you could dry it a little (or make an attempt, at least) before you see me go in there and about fall on my ass. And yes, Tim is my boyfriend, not my child. GRRR!

Which leads me to the question of the day: Do you want kids?

In a word, NO. I have many reasons for this, but being a mom isn't for me. I'm a great Aunt Mindy to my friends' kids and I love them dearly, but I don't have to worry about them all the time forever. People often tell me I'll change my mind, which I find a bit condescending. I know people usually don't think about it when they say that, but to me it means they aren't taking my decision seriously. I'm 33, and I've felt this way for a very long time. For some reason, if you just start having kid after kid after kid without thinking about it, that's acceptable. Actually thinking about the pros and cons for you (not for others) and deciding the best thing for a child is to NOT have you as a parent is seen as something bad. People think there's something wrong with your mental state if you don't want kids, especially if you are a woman. Some people have the nerve to tell you that you aren't a "real woman" because of it. Yes, because the only thing I should be is a child producer and nobody should see me as anything else.

As you can see, this is a bit of an issue with me because of the way people often act when they hear of my decision. Thankfully, it's not how my true friends and family act, and for that I'm very thankful. Many people get constantly pushed to have kids and that's not right. Why would anyone WANT somebody to have kids if that person doesn't want them? Then people wonder why there's so much child abuse. Ack!

Also, some people who don't want kids truly hate children. It doesn't mean they will go out of their way to harm them. If anything, it usually means they will go out of their way to avoid them. I do not hate children and like or love most I know. I say that because it's who I am, not because I'm being "apologetic" for being childfree. It amazes me sometimes how horrible women can be to each other for making different decisions when we should be accepting that some want a career, some want to be SAHMs, some want kids, others don't. Why is it such a big deal?


  • At 5:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can sympathise - my sister is the same age as you and has always known she didn't want kids, but she gets so much c*** off people for her decision. Good for you for not giving in to pressure from ignorant people!

  • At 1:19 PM, Blogger Mindy said…

    Wow! I actually have a comment -- what a surprise! :-)

    Thanks. It's always nice to hear from others (parents or CF) who don't think all women should have children just because "it's what you do next."

  • At 4:12 PM, Blogger Amy said…

    Good for you to sticking to your guns! I think it's about time people, and women in particular, start to change the "norm" that society puts on us. To each his/her own! And I say that expecting my fourth child. I just know it's not for everybody.

  • At 6:21 PM, Blogger Mindy said…

    It's so great to hear that from a parent! Most of my friends are parents and agree that it's a decision each person must make. Thank you for understanding that just because I don't want kids doesn't mean I'm warped or mental or something :-)

  • At 7:03 PM, Blogger Laural said…

    I never ever wanted children and I mean never. Well,DS was a 'surprise', and although I love him dearly, he is definately going to be an only child. I completely understand how you feel and agree with you wholeheartedly. Even as a parent I feel badly when people poke at others "when are you having one..blah blah blah". It's like Just leave them alone because it's none of your buisness. This and having "ONLY one child" are big issues with me as well.

  • At 7:17 PM, Blogger Erica said…

    Mindy! I found your blog! Yay! Thanks for the posts in my blog. I hear ya on the discontinued scents...I was actually going in there in search of creamy coconut which I was dismayed to learn they have discontinued. I totally understand your position on the kid issue...P and I kind of feel the same way but we're waiting until I hit 35 to make it official. Anyway, great to be here, and I can't wait to read more of your blog! You're on my blogroll now!

  • At 7:51 PM, Blogger Faith Ann said…

    I have a few friends who are in relationships and they have no interest in having kids. I would never question their decision! It's a personal choice and it's certainly valid to choose not to have a child. I don't think there's a rule that says every person on the planet must get married and have 2.2 kids to be happy.

  • At 7:58 PM, Blogger Mindy said…

    You like me! You really like me!

    Sorry, couldn't resist. You guys are way cool, though. So many people just don't think about what they are saying when they ask people about having kids. I have a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for at least 5 years and the dr. says nothing is wrong with either of them, it's just not happening. Every time somebody asks her why she hasn't had kids yet it's like somebody sticking a knife in her, ya know?

  • At 11:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mindy, thanks so much for a very thoughtful, intelligent post. You said EXACTLY what I feel. I was wondering, at what age did you decide you didn't want to have kids? I am only 21 and most people are horrified by my decision not to have kids, and look at me and say in a very condescending manner, "Oh,you'll change your mind." I didn't come to my decision on a whim, I gave it a lot of thought and decided that parenthood is not for me. Unfortunately, many arrogant, narrow-minded people cannot grasp that.


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